Hello? Is anyone there? *blows cobwebs off the computer*
Hey guys! It sure has been quite a while! My last post was back in November and it was my goals for the month. It's fairly safe to say I did not accomplish pretty much anything I had set for myself. After my daughter Olivia was born 10 weeks early back in October, things have just been really crazy.
But, she is now finally home! It's still so weird for me to say that, I thought the day would never come. A little backstory on Olivia these past 5 months...
She was born on October 17th, 2016 but was due on Christmas Eve. She has Down Syndrome and was also born with a heart defect called a Complete AV Canal. That is essentially a big, giant hole right in the center of her heart. With that hole being there, it was mixing the oxygenated and de-oxygenated blood together, making it really hard for her to breathe, so she was on oxygen support for her whole life. Since she was born premature, it made that complication worse. Until we got transferred to one of the best hospitals in the country to repair the defect. She had surgery on March 1st, and then came home on the 9th, with no oxygen or feeding tube! To say that my husband and I were ecstatic that she had done so well, and could come home without wires and tubes, was a massive understatement.
It was getting to be so hard going back and forth to the hospital every single day, and once we were transferred for surgery, I lived at the hospital since it was quite far from our home. A good friend of mine set up a fund for us, which you can find here, to help us out with bills that were piling up, as well as getting anything we needed for Olivia still. Since I never did have a baby shower, we weren't able to get alot of what we needed. if you're able to give anything at all, it would mean the world to us. Even sharing the page on your social media is incredibly helpful as well!
Now, with all that being said, blogging should hopefully return to normal very soon. I'll still be talking about beauty, but I'll be adding in some lifestyle and baby posts, since my priorities have changed these last few months. I don't have a set schedule yet, but I'm hoping to be publishing at least 2 posts a week for now. I'm so glad to be writing again finally, and I missed all of you terribly!
Here is a recent picture of Olivia! Considering what a peanut she used to be, she looks giant here!
What would you all like to see here on the blog? I have some ideas floating around in my head, but I could always use more inspiration!
It's that time again where I share with you the goals I have set for the month. Last month was a whirlwind with our daughter being born 10 weeks early, so it's safe to say that most of the goals I had set went out the window. Lets see how I did anyway!
Goals from October
- Get more baby stuff set up: Ha! Yeah, didn't happen.
- Clean and declutter our home more: ...Nope!
- Take better care of myself: Nah, sadly. Olivia was born October 17th, so between being in the hospital for a week and going back and forth constantly to the NICU, I look like I'm homeless.
- Post at least 3 times a week: Didn't happen, obviously. I had every intention of being a good blogger, but Miss Olivia surprised us!
Goals for November
- Take better care of myself. Now I know I had this for last month, but this month I really need to do it. I'm sleep deprived, eating a ton of junk food, and shower 2 or 3 times a week at most. I know that's probably gross, but I'm at the hospital pretty much every single day. I get there bright and early and I'm typically not home until late and crash into bed. As much as I hate leaving her there, I need to start really caring for myself. Taking a shower and cooking myself a meal needs to be a priority again.
- Blog at least once a week. I'm starting to bring my laptop to the hospital with me now, so I can take pictures at home and then write up posts while I visit Olivia.
- Clean our house. This needs to get done, like yesterday. Since Olivia's been born, our house looks like a tornado hit. I may have to bite the bullet one of these days and not visit so early in the morning just to clean.
I think I'm going to leave it at these three goals for November. Life has been absolutely insane and I'm trying my best to get into a routine. If you all are interested, I can do an update post on Olivia when she's a month old. Just let me know!
What are some of your goals for this month?
My Dearest Olivia, I can't believe in just two and a half more months you will be here. It's been quite the journey having you in my tummy. We found out early on that you may have Down Syndrome, and then a couple months after that we were told you have a heart condition that will require surgery when you're no older than 4 months. To say that Mommy and Daddy aren't scared and nervous is a lie. I am scared that you might have developmental delays, and I am scared that you're going to need surgery so young. We just want you to be okay.
Do you know that you have a big brother? His name is Aiden and we found out about him in the Summer of 2015. We unfortunately never got to meet him, as Heaven needed another angel much too soon. He would've been born the month before we found out about you! You have a very special angel watching over you, making sure you're going to arrive safely. I miss Aiden terribly and you will grow up knowing he is always with you.
Despite everything Daddy and I have been through, we both love you so much already and can't wait to see your beautiful face when you arrive. We already know from pictures that you look like Daddy, and I can't wait to see the bond you two will have. He's always saying how excited he is to finally meet you and can't wait to hold you. I hope you can hear him when he's talking to you.
No matter what happens, we are always going to love and support you through everything in life. I'm excited to see if you'll like beauty products like I do, or be a gamer like Daddy and play Minecraft and watch Game Grumps with him. You are our little miracle and we wouldn't change that for the world. We love you so much Miss Olivia, or Oli as your Dad likes to call you, and we can't wait to see the person you become.
Love, Your Mommy and Daddy
Hey guys! I have a different kind of post today, and it's something that is pretty personal, but means quite a bit to me. I'm going to be talking about how I'm feeling about being pregnant after my miscarriage last Summer, but ending on a happy note, I'm going to let you all know if we're having a boy or girl in December!
If you're new here, or don't remember from previous mentions, I suffered a missed miscarriage in July last year. We found out July 23rd that our baby no longer had a heartbeat, but my body had yet to expel anything. We were completely devastated, especially since we had already heard a strong heartbeat and got a nice ultrasound picture (which we have held onto and is shown above, and placed in a picture frame that sits on a shelf in our living room. We gave the nickname Peanut, since we didn't know if it was a boy or girl yet). After finding out, I decided I wanted to try and naturally miscarry as I was terrified of having to get surgery. Well, after a couple weeks of nothing happening, and me being so depressed and angry at the world, I had a D&C in August, which is the surgery you get if you have a missed miscarriage, or an incomplete miscarriage. The D&C itself went fine, but I had some complications afterwards that I won't get into.
Fast forward to October after I had started a birth control that my OB had recommended, I ended up in the hospital with a pulmonary embolism (blood clots in my lung). I was still depressed from the miscarriage, then that had to happen. It just seemed like things kept getting worse and worse. I was always sad or angry, and kept asking why something so horrible had to happen. I almost felt like I did something in a past life that was catching up to me.
Fast forward again to April. After I had the PE, I was put on blood thinners for 6 months to get rid of the clots in my right lung as well as prevent any new ones from forming. I was finished taking the blood thinners by now, and I found out I was pregnant shortly after, like not even a week later. Part of me was excited, then the other part of me was terrified. I had still been on the thinners when I conceived, and the pills I was taking are not recommended for use during pregnancy. Did I do severe damage to my baby? Is it going to die now because of me? I was so scared and cried for days.
We're now in the beginning of August, and I'm just over 20 weeks along. We've had a couple scares that required emergency room visits, but all is well now. The last 20 weeks have been such a roller coaster of emotions, and although alot of it is probably due to hormones, nothing has prepared me for how I was going to feel being pregnant after a loss. I read so many blogs and different books on how to feel better or get over it, but in all honesty, I will never get over my loss. We would've had a son in February, but the cause of the miscarriage was Down's Syndrome, according to genetic testing I had done after the D&C. My chances of having a living baby with Down's is actually higher now apparently because of that, and I'm still in the process of doing testing to know for sure if my current baby will have it. So far though, all ultrasounds I've had have been great and nothing looks wrong. There's absolutely nothing wrong with having a baby with Down's, I just need to know and prepare myself just in case, because I know it will be hard.
So many people don't understand what I'm going through, because they haven't been through a miscarriage. I get judged all the time for not seeming excited enough and I'm told to just be happy that I'm pregnant again. None of that helps me, if anything it makes any anxiety I have worse. I try my best to keep faith that things will be fine in the end, but I know that there is no safe zone in pregnancy. I've seen women go through losses at 10 weeks like I did, and then there are women who go through a loss at 20 weeks, 30 weeks, even full-term at 40 weeks. It's mind boggling how common miscarriage is, yet it's such a taboo subject.
Now, with all that being said, My husband and I are very excited that I have made it this far in this current pregnancy. I may not show it outwardly because my heart is still being guarded, but I am excited. I guess you all are dying to know what we're having, unless you already scrolled past everything I just wrote......
WE'RE HAVING A GIRL! I was stunned honestly, because all this time I totally thought it was going to be a boy. My husband and I truly had no preference of boy or girl, we just want a happy, healthy baby. I did cry though finding out, because I always dreamed of having a little girl, but again, after having my loss, it wouldn't have bothered me either way. I can't wait to meet her and see how my big, burly bear of a husband is going to be around a little baby girl. It's probably going to be the cutest thing ever, just saying. We're both so incredibly thankful that things are going well so far, and I truly believe that our son is watching over her in Heaven, making sure his little sister is safe and healthy.
This wasn't an easy post to write, so I do hope that anyone who reads this, reads it all the way through and gains some perspective on what going through a pregnancy after a loss is like.
Thank you to everyone who has sent prayers and well wishes our way! Keep sending them that everything keeps going well!
