Tuesday, February 16, 2016

Getting A Little Personal

Hey guys. Today's post is going to be a little bit different than the usual beauty talk I do here. I've been wanting to incorporate more lifestyle posts on here, just not as frequent as beauty. So, here we go.

Valentine's Day was just a couple days ago, and I actually got to spend the entire day with my husband. He originally had obligations for school, but they got cancelled last minute. I was really happy about that, because today, February 16th, 2016, would have been my due date. I've touched on having a miscarriage in a post or two a while back, and it feels like forever ago, but the time also seemed to have gone by pretty fast. My husband and I had been talking about whether we wanted to do something to remember the son we would have had, so we decided to celebrate on Valentine's Day. We bought cake mix and baked a cake to celebrate his birthday.

I'm so not a cake decorator, and as far as I can remember, I've never written anything with icing before, so excuse that. But it doesn't matter. What matters is that we did something to remember our son. I had my miscarriage back in July, and had to have a D&C in August. The past 7 months have honestly been the hardest months of my entire life. I think everyday about what life would be like had our son survived, what he would've looked like, and how quirky his personality would be. My husband and I are self proclaimed weirdos, so our kid would've been weird too. But we would encourage him to do whatever he wanted. If he wanted to play with mommy's makeup, fine. If wanted to be like his daddy and play video games and watch Game Grumps on YouTube, that's fine too.

I know making a cake, or even just celebrating what would've been the birth of our child, seems weird to alot of people, but you know what? I don't give a crap. I see so many women getting pregnant and being able to have their babies, never knowing what it's like losing their child. Some are great mothers, then there are the ones who take their child for granted. I admit, it makes me so jealous. They moan and complain about how bad their child is being, how hard it is being pregnant, and some just downright abuse their kids. They have no idea how lucky they are. I'd give anything to be able to hold my child, stay up all night to feed and calm him down, and have him be a little hell raiser. If I'm ever lucky enough to be able to have more children in the future, I welcome morning sickness, sore boobs, and being hungry all the time with open arms. 

Until then, I'll always remember our first baby, and continue talking about him whenever I want. I so wish that miscarriage and pregnancy loss wasn't such a taboo subject. As common as it is, it's one of the loneliest things to go through, not being able to talk to people about it, because it makes them uncomfortable. It can be very uncomfortable to talk about at times, but if I can be there for the girl going through a miscarriage, who has no one to talk to because no one wants to talk, then my mission in life is done. 

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